the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
