Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
