I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
