census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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