quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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