Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize