Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?

(1-425): View more from Washington

I hate you

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?

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(631): View more from New York

if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you

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(901): View more from Tennessee

No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism

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(417): View more from Missouri

Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.

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(727): View more from Florida

It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.

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(801): View more from Utah

Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...

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(843): View more from South Carolina

because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock

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