I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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