you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
