I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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