I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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