i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
