If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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