Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
