so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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