ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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