I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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