I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
