so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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