Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
