New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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