I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Randomize
