sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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