Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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