I cockslap morals
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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