It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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