I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
