I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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