You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
