I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
