My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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