I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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