I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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