The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
