it was like his penis was on wheels.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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