Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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