Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
