she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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