I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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