So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
