Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize