is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
