Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
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I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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