I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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