and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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