My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
