i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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