Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
