My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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