I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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