Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
