dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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