Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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