i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
