i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
