I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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