I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
