I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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