my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
