What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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