Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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