He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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