I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
