we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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