hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize