Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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