The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
