I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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