dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
