Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
