3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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