Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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