New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
